Why are Yes, No, Maybe Lists so unwieldy? It can feel like sex educators are trying to impress you with their extensive knowledge of possible sex acts. Why Sex Educators Use Long Lists Photo by Anna Nekrashevich They simply don’t have time to go through pages and pages of options, especially if they have to look up the meanings of some of the less common acts. Talk about overwhelming! I’ve had a number of clients tell me that they’ve given up on completing the Yes, No, Maybe Lists they found online. Some creators even use small fonts to cram every possible sex act they can imagine onto those pages. Assuming this audience has dabbled in any possible number of experiences, these checklists are often multiple pages long to try to include anything readers may have missed. Other lists are designed for people with more sex acts and communication under their belts. However, their partner might see this and innocently assume that it refers to two people touching their genitals together. Due to inexperience or lack of exposure, however, this can pose some problems.įor example, someone might check “yes” to genital touch while picturing a partner using hands or fingers to touch their genitals. Understandably, the lists for this audience aim to cover a broad range of common (and a few uncommon) sexual acts to help people explore their options. In the case of young adults or novices, the idea is that readers at the beginning of their sexual journey can use these lists to determine their personal interests and boundaries. experienced partners looking to “spice things up”.Įach of these situations draw different issues to the surface when it comes to the standard list format.Most easily found lists online are made for: Additionally, not everyone is comfortable with having those terms in their search history or possibly being exposed to imagery of every unknown sexual act on a list.Ĭompounding these issues are the audiences these lists are typically designed for. When a list contains dozens of items, that creates a lot of work. Users have to look up unfamiliar terms as they work through the list.But what happens when someone wants to say yes to giving and maybe to receiving? Some sex educators have solved this by adding “giving” and “receiving” boxes next to the Yes, No, and Maybe boxes for readers to check. There’s no space for readers to mark whether they’re comfortable giving or receiving each act.These lists will often include dozens, perhaps over a hundred names of sex acts as well as space for readers to check whether they are, are not, or are maybe interested in each act.īut there are a couple of problems with this format: A typical list looks something like this: There’s a problem I’ve noticed with the standard Yes, No, Maybe List format:Īllow me to illustrate. The Trouble with Yes, No, Maybe Lists Photo by Anna Shvets □įor sex ed nerds with an interest in instructional design, however, read on. Just here for the free lists? Skip to the end. check out five free Yes, No, Maybe lists you can use yourself.share some steps to addressing those problems.cover the trouble with standard Yes, No, Maybe Lists.What I didn’t do, however, was explain why I make my Yes, No, Maybe Lists a little differently than others you might find online. I even included a free list for readers looking to try it out. In it, I explained how to use this type of checklist and the benefits it offers people in partnerships. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about How a Yes, No, Maybe List Inspires Sexual Exploration.
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